Scottish Poetry Selection
- My Doug

Many people develop the view that their pet dog is worthy of more esteem than some of the human beings they come across - and that is certainly the case in this amusing poem by T Evans Johnstone.

      My Doug

To love my neighbour as mysel'
   Comes awfu' hard on me:
The mair I see o' some folk,
   The less I want to see.

The human race may be a' richt,
   But this into your lug:
The mair I see o' some folk,
   The mair I like my doug.

I'm no referring to the folk
   That's gathered round me here,
For present company of course,
   Maun aye be keepit clear.

But I'm referrin' to the folk -
   I canna richt explain,
The kind o' folk ye try to dodge
   By gaun doun Logie's Lane.

My doug it is a mongrel tyke,
   And ugly too, I ween,
But has mair gumption in its heid
   Than lots o' folk I've seen.

A doug aye loves ye for yoursel',
   Whate'er your social scale,
And though your coat be auld an' green,
   Comes up an' wags its tail.

If aince a doug becomes your pal,
   He'll never let ye doon,
Although your buits be fou o' holes,
   Your hat withoot a croon.

A doug kens mair aboot a man
   By sniffin' at his breeks
Than Sherlock Holmes, wi' a' his lair,
   Can tell in weeks an' weeks.

A doug may hae a lot o' fauts,
   But gie the beast its due:
It never comes hame late at nicht
   Miraculously fou.

A doug may bark, a doug may bite,
   A doug may kill a hare;
But whaur's the doug that smokes black twist,
   And spits upon the flair?

Dougs never gang to Burns's splores,
   And drink to Jeans and Maggies,
And when they're feelin' bad next day
   Complain it was the haggis.

It tak's a' kinds to mak' a warl',
   My certie but it's true:
Just see the job they're makin'
   O' the warl' i' the noo'.

For things are a' turned upside doon,
   They've a' gane tapsalteerie,
And when we try to pit them richt,
   Our heids bum like a peerie.

The muckle Deil has gotten lowse,
   And roams frae Pole to Pole,
He's playin' centre forward,
   And he wants to kick a goal.

He's got the warld for his ba',
   And though it's sad to tell,
If we should fail to stop his game,
   He'll kick us a' to H - .

And noo, my friens, afore I stop,
   A word into your lug:
The human race wad hae mair sense
   If it was like my doug.

Meaning of unusual words:
Maun aye=must always
gumption=common sense, quickness of understanding
breeks=trousers (pants in North america)
black twist=a type of strong tobacco
splores=drinking spree
peerie=spinning top

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